Why My Cousin Getting Married Again at 50+ Years Old Is a Bad Idea

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I have a philosophy that some won’t agree with- but here goes: Those over 50 should not get married in big, splashy weddings. Especially if it’s their second wedding.

Traditionally, weddings are for young people. Period. I know a lot of people will disagree with me but I don’t see the point after a certain age.

Rupert Murdoch, 92, decides to have another go at marriage

I recently read about Rupert Murdoch’s 5th wedding. He is 95 years old and probably has 5 seconds left on the planet. His bride is 66, so at least a little age appropriate. At least she is not 20.

Last week, along with my own AARP invites (even though I am still too young), a thick creamy envelope showed up in my mailbox. I hardly get mail anymore, everything is online now, but I knew it was a wedding invite.

THE INVITE

With a creeping sense of dread, I opened it. And it was who I thought it was going to be. It was my cousin’s ex-wife, announcing she was getting married again.

It was a very traditional wedding invite. As the new (old?) bride has money, she wanted to go big. Even though 40 years ago, she had a big church wedding. And three children. And has lived a long, happy life.

Then a day later, a fancy invite arrived to her bridal shower. I had opened it outside, and made a kind of screaming, annoyed sound, scaring the neighbor walking their dog past me.

And then, the best part- the email last night from her 70-something bestie, announcing they are having a girl’s night/bachelorette party. I guess they are hiring old male strippers? Maybe?

My older cousin in his 60’s was just dumped by this woman who is in her 70’s. They had been married for 38 years, wtf.

It is really f-g bizarre to me. I mean, in your 70’s, you might as well finish out the marriage. The average American lifespan is early 80’s, if you are lucky. So someone who was married a super long time is just going to dump their spouse for a few…